Monkey business

Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep!!!!!

The alarm goes off. The maid and the cook's nonsensical chatter(Told ya she's an expert at bitching) is enough to wake the dead and set them wandering around in broad daylight. So saying, I'm awake and not very pleased about it.

"Aackckcakakak-kikiki-koooo!!!"

What the hell??

"KKKKKoooooockckckckaaaack"

Oh, Lord God above, please don't let that be the cook. I get out of bed and hurry out of my room to see what all the fuss is about. " Amma, paaru maa, korangu!!" Says the cook. Monkeys. No way. Oooooooooh, I HATE MONKEYS!!!! Ugly little things with the worst manners, pink butts and huge eyes that stare out at you from underneath a mop of hair in dire need of conditioning. They've tried to steal my little sister once, no... twice ( She looked human THEN...it's only now that she's got in touch with her inner primate and shows all the signs of wanting to climb a tree.) They've eaten my ice-cream, played with my stuff and have made me wet myself with fear ( I was five...what WAS I supposed to do?? Call 911???). They send chills up my spine.

I opened the back door only to be greeted by a cheerful little monkey scratching its head and eating leftovers of last night's dinner. "Keeeeckoooo" it says. Yeah, well Good Morning to you too, my little simian friend. It chews on something that would have been a decent slice of bread five minutes ago. Soccer the dog is going positively hysterical, barking at the ignorant ape. It twitches. Soccer barks. It pauses half-way through its messy meal. The dog growls and barks woof-woof-wooooof, only to be interrupted by an ear-piercing "Keeee-aaack-keee-keeeeooo"

Remember the Crazy Sister?? The one the monkeys tried to take away?? Turns out she would have been much better off with them, for, in respsonse to the head-scratcher's shriek, she let out a deafening " MANU SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!! GIVE THE YELLING A REST, WOMAN, I NEED SLEEP!!!!!" which pretty much shut both the other animals up. I roll my eyes, and revert to admiring my ancestor. Only, it's gone!!! Where? How? Why? Millions of questions run through my head all at the same time. And then I see it. The Mommy monkey. Big, scary, fiery-eyed and very pregnant, she sits on the courtyard wall, like a queen on her throne. Oh, there's the tiny guy, hiding right behind her. If only I could reach out and strangle him and prove that evolution didn't happen for nothing. But, Alas, I can't...for his protective mamma's drawing close to the door. To where I'm standing. To my house. I'm gonna show this chick who's boss.

I reach out for something behind me, my eyes fixed on the pregnant primate. Aha! Gotcha...the broomstick!!!
I didn't take karate lessons for nothing!!!! I scream, and charge out the back door, waving the broom around like a lunatic. The pregnant female blinks. I fume. My parents have this weird fancy for collecting plastic bottles. Like the ones Pepsi comes in. I spot one and grab it with movements so fast, it'd give Neo of The Matrix a run for his money.
" Heeeeeeeeyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!" I say. Which means, back off, monkey mamma, or I'm gonna show you one of the many things a PET bottle can do. So saying, I hurl it right at her. And, I miss.

The watchman, however, doesn't lose hope. He has abandoned his conversation with the resident tailor to come to my aid. He swishes around a metal rod. He yells. I yell. Soccer barks. My sister is out of bed and staring at us. The cook ought to have burnt something or herself, with all the racket. Finally, the monkeys leave. WHOOOOPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! I jump for joy. Realising I've done a week's worth of jumping already, I stop, go in and turn on Animal Planet. And what are they doing? Analysing the baboon species.
Sheesh.