My family- Why we call ourselves The What

My family isn't exactly the world's sanest, nor the healthiest. These vacations have provided my sister and I with sufficient time to draw up lists of various kinds. One such list was about the behavioural traits/habits/illnesses which, God forbid, the two of us might just inherit one fine day.

1. We run a risk of being diagnosed as either diabetic, neurotic or heart patients. We can get either osteoporosis or arthiritis. We may also suffer from lung cancer and hypertension. Lucky us?

2. By the time we are middle-aged we will resemble beer barrels and will have no teeth at all.

3. We are highly talkative and, again, by the time we are middle-aged, we will know three different versions of our family history from both maternal and paternal sides.

4. We will have a weird liking for hair colour and by our mid-sixties, our locks will resemble the rainbow.

5. We will call ourselves...hic...Brahminical Iyers, devouring a biriyani all the time.

6. We will call our children by each others' names. Meaning, The Crazy Sister would address her daughter as Manvi instead of calling the poor thing by her own name.

7. We will spend lots of money on vessels, crockery and bed linen, but nothing will be spent on soap and facewash.

8. We will tell our grandchildren about Jayalalitha at those Sunday lunches, the same way our grandparents, grand-aunts and uncles ramble on about Mountbatten and Nehru. Sheesh.

9. We will look at photos of our teenage selves and wonder if we still look the same.

10. Our first child might try to kill his/her younger sibling, stuffing dosa in their( The sibling's) mouth.

11. All the girls in the family will dance to "It's raning men" by Geri Halliwell whenever they meet over family lunches, 'cos it's so friggin' cool ( Our take on the way we were forced to head-bang to "Girls just wanna have fun" I really wonder what kinda loony family does these things. Oh, jeez, I forgot. MINE. )

12. When our adolescent daughter asks for a CD by some weirdly named band we will, unconsciously, say "Oh, I'll get it for you from Food World." because we think she's asking for vegetables. ( Think The Black Eyed Peas and The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.)

13. We will have this fancy for hurling saucepans, or even pressure cookers at any jackass who gets in our way. No kidding.

14. We will always, always eat peanuts while travelling on a train. We will also sing golden oldies and will run the risk of getting the skin of a nut stuck in our trachea.

15. When eating pizzas, beware, for we might just tear it viciously and smother it in ketchup like we do with dosas and chutney.

Note to the folks: - This wasn't meant to offend anybody. If any of you ever read this and don't like it much, punish me by letting me stay home instead of attending that wretched engagement. Or even that family reunion. And yeah, saucepans HURT, you dig????

(Much thanks to KD and her brother for giving me back my blog. I louwe you guys.)